When the River Rises
Leading Through the Unpredictable
I used to live on the edge of the Sahara Desert in Chad. For three-quarters of the year, it was dry and dusty, but for the other quarter of the year, it was vibrantly, shockingly green. The transformation always felt like it happened overnight.
Living there, I thought a lot about water - where it will come from, how it will get to my house, how much I could spare for daily tasks. During the rainy season, the normally dry riverbed on the edge of town would become a rushing torrent with the power to knock over semis as they tried to drive across.
I think about that river a lot and how it would be there one day but not the next. It was totally unpredictable in its power and even its existence. You never knew what you would get until you drove down to the bank to have a look.
People are a lot like that river. We all know that colleague (or maybe we are that colleague) who is usually steady and easy to get along with. But if you press them too hard, or hit just the right nerve, they suddenly shut down or worse, snap. Our behavior is never just about what is happening in front of us. It’s about the hidden watershed happening inside.
The Hidden Watershed
When a deadline hits or you are faced with a difficult/stressful situation, your brain doesn’t just react to the event. It runs that event through a series of filters in less than a blink of an eye.
Your Core Values. Often unseen, these values determine everything that flows from you.
Your Emotions and Personality. These rise up quickly to protect you when your core values are tested.
Your Emotional Intelligence and Skills. These are the visible actions and reactions that people around you see.
If we only try to manage the raging river (our outward skills) without looking at the source spring (our values and emotions), we often fail to change our actual behavior. We might know the “right” way to handle conflict, but in the heat of the moment, the river floods and our head knowledge gets swept downstream.
What is Emotional Intelligence, Really?
Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is simply the way you understand and manage your emotions, connect with others, and make decisions.
Unlike your IQ, which stays pretty stable throughout your life, your EQ is flexible. It’s a set of skills you can learn, practice, and measurably improve.
Incidentally, the river in Chad now has a bridge over it. Travel is predictable. Life is easier.
Emotional Intelligence can be that bridge for you. It connects who you are with how you want to lead, making your impact steady rather than unpredictable.
Building the Bridge
Over the next few weeks, I’ll be helping you build your bridge using the EQ-i 2.0 framework. Here is where we’re headed:
Part 1: The Inner Foundation. We’ll look at Self-Perception and Self-Expression. This is about clearing the imposter fog and finding your authentic voice.
Part 2: The Relationship Lens. We’ll dive into the Interpersonal side of leadership. This is where we build the trust and empathy that keeps a team together.
Part 3: The Under-Pressure Pair. We’ll tackle Stress Management and Decision Making. This is how you stay steady and choose wisely when the flash floods of work life hit.
Part 4: The Power of One. We’ll wrap up with a plan to take one small, consistent action that actually changes your leadership for the long haul.
Reflect and Act On It
Reflect: Think back to the last time you reacted in a way that surprised you (maybe you snapped at a teammate or stayed silent when you should have spoken up). Looking back, what do you think triggered that flood of emotion?
Act: This week, we’re just building awareness. Set a timer on your phone for three times today. When it goes off, take 60 seconds to ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
What triggered this?
How is this emotion influencing what I’m doing?
That’s it. You aren’t trying to cross the river yet; you’re just learning to read the water levels.