The summer break has drawn to a close here in Texas which is either a good thing or a bad thing, depending on who you ask. The stores are telling us something big is coming, and whether or not there’s a backpack by your door, you start to sense the opportunity for a reset. Not really “new year, new me,” but rather a walk into a new season. What needs to happen as you close the door on summer and open the door to fall?
The System that Promises a Fix
Part of us wants a clean slate as we walk into the next season. For me, a clean slate usually involves some new organizational scheme for my to-do list, my desk, my house, or even for my family as a whole. (They’re very long-suffering!) I tend to look at these seasons as an opportunity to find the PERFECT system that will solve all my problems. I will be perfectly organized, none of the balls I’m juggling will drop, and everyone around me will do exactly what I want.
Yeah, right. Has that ever worked for any of you? Because it hasn’t worked for me.
When I look at this through the lens of Positive Intelligence,1 I see a few things at play. First, the Judge is screaming at me, telling me that I am not doing a good job if I don’t do it all. The Judge has brought a new accomplice along this time. One of my chief saboteurs, the Controller, who is telling me that the only way for all of this to work is if I can control every aspect of my life and the lives of those around me. The Judge and the Controller are telling me that I’ll get it all right this year if only I can plan for and control every variable around me.
The same thing happens to me at work. As we approach the end of the calendar year, I look at all the goals the team set back in January, and I can already see we won’t hit all of them. Does that sound familiar? The Judge and the Controller are standing up and screaming at this point. Their plan is to get you to double down on things - push the team harder, tighten up the timelines, take back things you had delegated, and in the process, make everyone (including you) just a little more miserable.
The clean slate is a fantasy. A fresh calendar or to-do list doesn’t magically give you a grip on everything around you. Instead the only thing being squeezed in that grip is you, and that results in more anxiety that makes you want even more control. It’s a vicious cycle. A clean slate isn’t really blank, it’s a new page that we fill with the same overwhelm unless we are able to name it for what it is - The Judge and his cronies working us over.2
What Do You Choose?
There is another option, though. Can you name what is happening? Do you recognize that the Controller is making everything a push? What would happen if you asked - how can I make this a pull instead of a push? Rather than pushing everyone around me to work harder, how can I pull them into a conversation around the solution? Together, you can decide on purpose which things have to go so that higher priority items can get across the finish line.
Which of those two options feels like leadership? And which one feels like the express train to Anxiety-ville?
Neither option gives you a true clean slate. The same things that bothered you in August will likely bother you in September. But you can stop waiting for the calendar to do the work for you. You can choose what you carry with you into a new season. You can name the pieces that you are setting down.
Reflect and Act
Reflect: What are you dragging along with you that you’d rather leave behind? Where are you pushing right now instead of pulling?
Act: Catch the Controller this week - either when it shows up or when you notice it after the fact.
How could you turn that push into a pull? Pick a single decision and bring your team into the conversation around how to move forward.
If you want more on leading people and yourself or have something you’re stuck in the middle of, book a free call and we’ll look at it together.
I highly recommend Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine. If you’re interested in learning more about your saboteurs, email me for a free assessment.
I’ve been reading The Cost of Control by Sharon Hodde Miller. I’m sure I’ll refer to this more in the future, but the thing to note here is that control and anxiety work together - the one leads to the other and vice versa. In her book, Sharon walks us through the different ways that we try to control things and what that costs us and those around us.
I've also noticed that control leads to resentment, both for me and those I'm trying to "help". Good thoughts here.