Lost in the Middle
Leading When the Path Isn't Clear
Over the Christmas break, my family and I spent time in the Smoky Mountains. One of the things we did was wander through a mirror maze. It was dimly lit, and they gave us gloves to wear so we wouldn’t inadvertently smudge the glass as we muddled through.
It was disorienting. When we focused on the mirrors, we were quickly disoriented and couldn’t find the way through the maze. We were distracted by our reflections bouncing between mirrors; I realized that if I looked at the mirrors, I stayed lost. But if I looked down at the carpet, I could see the path. Even though the carpet pattern was just a jumble of scribbles on a dark background, it was enough to figure out what was real and what was a reflection.
Middle management is like being in a maze. Everyone expects something of you and you desperately want to find the right way to navigate through everyone else’s needs and demands. It isn’t uncommon to feel stuck, listening to the judge in your head tell you that you’re doing it all wrong.
To find the exit, we have to look at our Inner Foundation. This foundation has two sides: How you see yourself (Self-Perception) and How you show up in the world (Self-Expression).
Self-Perception
In the mirror maze, looking at the glass was a trap. The mirrors showed a version of the room that was distorted, multiplied, or showed me standing in a place I wasn’t actually standing.
In leadership, Self-Perception is your carpet. It’s the internal data that tells you what is real, regardless of the critical emails, the silence from your leader, or that nagging voice of imposter syndrome. When your self-perception is working well, you aren’t guessing your value based on the other’s actions. You have a quiet, steady awareness of your own strengths and your smudges (the weaknesses we all have) without judging yourself for them.
When you’re overworked and overlooked, you stop looking at the carpet. You start believing the blurry, never-enough version of yourself reflected in the glass. You lose sight of what you’re actually capable of and start chasing goals that belong to everyone else but you. To find the exit, you have to stop asking the mirrors who you are and start trusting the ground beneath your feet.
Self-Expression
Knowing where the path is on the carpet is only half the battle. You can see the exit perfectly, but if you don’t move your feet, you’re still stuck. This is Self-Expression; it’s how the “inner you” becomes visible to the rest of the world.
If Self-Perception is your internal map, Self-Expression is the movement. It’s the courage to be honest about what you’re seeing and the backbone to lead the way, even when the rest of the group is still pointing in different directions. This isn’t about being the loudest person in the maze; it’s about the internal GPS that says, “I know the way,” the legs that actually take the step, and the hands that guide your team along.
If you’re waiting for a nod of approval before you move, you’ll stay paralyzed. You’ll find yourself asking for permission to be right or waiting for someone else to validate your direction. But you don’t find the exit by following a reflection. You find it by trusting yourself and having the confidence to say, “Follow me.”
Reflect and Act On It
Reflect: Think about a mirror you’ve been staring at lately (ex: a critical email or difficult conversation). How has that reflection distorted how you see your actual strengths this week?
Act: This week, we’re cleaning the glass.
Identify the Smudge: Write down one area where burnout is making you feel “less than.”
Look at the Carpet: Write down three strengths that are true, regardless of how you feel right now.
Take One Step: Find one small moment this week to be assertive. Ask for what you need or say “no” to a task that doesn’t align with your goals.
Don’t worry about the reflections. Just look down, trust your feet, and move.