This year, I turn 50. As with any “milestone” birthday (hate that phrase), it has me reflecting back on the last decade and thinking through what I want the next one to look like. My brain is naturally trying to turn this into an opportunity to completely reinvent myself, which sounds both fun and exhausting. (I am turning 50, after all.) Instead of diving into the reinvention feeling, I’m choosing to focus on my desire to be more intentional about how I am using my time.
I caught myself recently absentmindedly grabbing my phone to check email. It wasn’t for work, and I wasn’t expecting any life altering news. I was just bored and looking for connection. Did Gmail deliver on connection? No, just ads and updates from the school district. It bothers me that, even after taking most of the apps off of my phone, I’m still seduced by the glowing rectangle. So, I’ve been looking back on things I’ve tried this year that have helped me to be more aware of myself, things that feel intentional instead of accidental. These are the practices that are allowing me to choose where my attention goes.
Emotional Attention
One of my first articles here on Substack was about keeping a small notebook to record events and emotions throughout the day. The idea is that after every meeting or call, I can write down one sentence about the event (just the facts, ma’am) and one sentence about how I’m feeling.
This practice made me more aware of myself. I learned that sometimes, my emotional response to one event colored the whole day. I also saw patterns. There were meetings and people that consistently drained me or put me on edge. Some days, I made a decision while living in the fog of a previous conversation, unable to really weigh the decision at hand. Seeing that data gave me the opportunity to determine what place those people needed to have in my life and also gave me the means to prepare for the difficult meetings you can’t avoid. (See the next section for more on that prep work.)
I loved this practice, but it has evolved over the past 8 months. It was easy to lose this practice in the shuffle between meetings or when traveling. Now, I schedule a mid-day and end-of-day check-in to go over a larger chunk of time. The ability to focus on larger pieces of my day and carve out dedicated time for reflection has made it easier for me to actually keep up with the practice.
Mindful Attention
If you’ve been here the past few weeks, we’ve talked a lot about the Judge and the Saboteurs, concepts from Shirzad Chamine’s Positive Intelligence. A PQ Rep1 is ten seconds of full attention on a physical sensation (touch, sound, sight). I often take the ten seconds in between calls to do a few PQ reps to help me settle my mind and focus on the person in front of me, not the email I just read or the conversation I just had.
PQ Reps are small on purpose. Ten seconds fits before you open the door to a hard conversation. It fits between two calendar blocks. It fits in the pause after someone says something that lands wrong. It fits when your thoughts start to spiral, or you just need to step away for a moment. Between the patterns I saw in my emotional check-ins and the quietness created by the PQ Reps, it was easier to discern my next steps.
Attention to Endings
This month, one of my consulting contracts ends. It’s with an organization that I’ve been involved with in one way, shape, or form since 2005. It would have been relatively easy to renew the contract, but I’m starting to sense that I don’t fit in that world as neatly as I used to. It’s been both a hard and an easy decision to let this contract go. I feel settled that I’ve done what I was meant to do in my time with them, but it’s been hard knowing that relationships will change when you don’t see people every day and harder still closing the door on something that you’ve been a part of for 20 years.
As I’ve been coaching more people through transition, this comes up a lot. Who are you outside of a job or a team or a situation that has been a huge part of your life? For many, this is the piece that keeps them from transitioning out of a situation that is not the right fit for them - fear that they won’t be them without that job. That fear tells you that you’ll lose yourself if you make a change. But as I’ve been working with people, I’m finding the opposite to be true. They were losing themselves by staying.
Reflect & Act
Reflect: Think back on your last week. Was there a day that you were just going through the motions, on autopilot out of habit? What happened as a result?
Act: One day this week, choose one of these things to practice that brings your awareness back to the present, something that allows you the space to intentionally choose your next step. If you’re not sure where to start, try doing a PQ Rep. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and scan your body for any tension that you are feeling. Ten seconds. That’s it.
Interested in learning more about Positive Intelligence, the Judge, and what to do about it? Email me for a free assessment - cate@eraccg.com.
If you want more on leading people and yourself or have something you’re stuck in the middle of, book a free call and we’ll look at it together.
I highly recommend Positive Intelligence by Shirzad Chamine. If you’re interested in learning more about your saboteurs, email me for a free assessment.
Happy belated birthday. What a lovely reflective read. The Saboteurs assessment is such a brilliant tool! Thank you for the reminder